What students need isn’t a lecture on abstinence. They need a community that sees sex as about mutual pleasure and intimacy, not point scoring or getting something, and that doesn’t shame or problematize female sexuality. Heterosexual women need male partners who are respectful, generous in bed and emotionally competent, and who treat women like people regardless of whether those women are girlfriends, one-night stands or friends with benefits. Sex, be it in a committed relationship or a more casual arrangement, doesn’t have to be the fraught power play or unpleasant interaction merely tolerated by young women. Sex is sex. Human beings throughout all of history have enjoyed it for very good reason. Consensual, mutually pleasurable sex is, for many people, at the top of their “favorite things” list.
My switchiness (in terms of power play) is neat because different people bring out different sides (even if my partner doesn’t lean one way or the other of their own accord.) Like, I default to subby-ness with Z, but we can have a good dynamic going either way. Some folks’ pants I don’t even get into before I know I’d really like to shove them against a wall with my leg between theirs and threaten to rip their throat out with my teeth if they make a noise. Sometimes I’m rolling around with someone in bed and can’t even imagine anything other than doing exactly as they say with a smile and a moan, right up to my limits. And of course the degree of power play dynamic in the first place ranges from barely there (I guess it’s more toppiness at that point, it just ends up on the same spectrum because I enjoy topping partly for the power trip) to feeling like a force of nature.
So screwing someone new is like taking a candy from a box of chocolates in which every chocolate is a different manifestation of lightweight power play kink. It’s pretty awesome.
Saying that a man and a woman can’t be “just” friends is like assuming that a bisexual can’t have any friends at all because they might get a sudden urge to fuck them.
Also, this whole “just” friends thing perpetuates the idea that you are EITHER friends OR you want to have sex with these people and thus they are…not your friends any more. Guess what!! You can have sexual feelings for your friends! And it’s also possible to not act on them! And for that not to be a source of ANGST AND WOE AND THE SETTING FOR A ROMCOM WITH A WRY INDIE SOUNDTRACK but just to be a fact of life that you get on with, because you’re an adult and you know you can’t sleep with every person you ever find attractive, and that finding people attractive doesn’t mean all your other friendly feelings for them crash and burn in the face of your OVERWHELMING SEXUAL CHEMISTRY.
One of my favorite parts of making out with a new person is finding the spot on their neck that makes them make pretty noises.
hashtag stuff that is on my mind because if no one else will fuck the residual tension out of me I WILL
Sex is not a goddamn performance.
Sex should feel as natural as drinking water.
It should not require confidence.
Sex should happen, because the moment is ripe.
Ripening lips, ripening labia, ripening cock, ripening pupils, ripening state of being. Ripe and augmented and brimming. Your energy goes to your pumping heart, then to every external nerve, then to theirs, on fire.
You bask, roll, play in it. You sigh, moan, laugh.
It’s not about being “good in bed.”
It’s about being happy.
One should never worry if they’re doing it “correctly.” Sex is not factual. I don’t want your cookie-cutter sex, I don’t want your meticulously crafted, calculated, fool-proof fuck. I don’t want a show. I want you. Let your instincts, urges and whims define that. It’s enough.
What do most girls like? Forget about it. Statistics are meaningless when there’s only one. Hello, here’s me. Here’s you.
Don’t worry about taking it too slow. We got time. We got infinite rhythms, combinations, possibilities. Explore each fuck. Take our time. We can do a different one later.
Don’t worry about making me come. I’m here. Right where I want to be.
I am overwhelmed by wanting; you don’t have to convince me. I want you because I like you. So don’t put on a front. Don’t taint this.
I’m frustrated—it’s just authenticity I want.
Don’t say that something I like is ugly. Don’t compare yourself to the rest. You will live and die with and within your experiences like everyone else. If someone thinks you are amazing, they are not wrong. Their universe is as real as any other; it is forged through perception.
I don’t care if you accidentally slammed my head into the wall, if you slipped out, if my arm cracked, if the delightful pressure of your wet lips on my anything made a silly sound. There is no right way and no wrong way.
“Good in bed,” what.
You’re good in my bed. I’m pleased you’re there. I feel it suits you.
Shove your technique. Let your memory swallow it. Fuck me like you’d fuck me, fuck me like you feel.
This isn’t a test.
but you’re a
I’m willing to
because I have a feeling